Why Asking for Pronouns on Your Wedding RSVP Really Matters
Sure, asking for pronouns on an RSVP might seem like a small detail. And yes, some might say it feels too corporate or box-check-y. But if you know us, you know we don’t do things just to tick a box. It means something.
Asking for pronouns sets the tone. It tells your guests, “We thought about this. We’re not guessing.” You’re making space. And that speaks louder than any monogrammed wax seal ever could.
So let’s get into why it matters, how to collect them, what to do with that info once you have it, and how to avoid turning it into a name tag situation that no one wants to wear.
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Why Ask for Pronouns?
It puts respect on paper
Your invitation is the first glimpse into your wedding. Asking for pronouns shows your guests that you care enough to get it right from the start. Including a space on the RSVP signals that you're not making assumptions and that everyone’s identity matters.
It helps avoid awkward moments
Even if your guests know each other well, your vendors likely don’t. From your photographer to the waitstaff delivering plates to the table, having pronouns ahead of time helps everyone refer to people accurately. It prevents the guessing, the correcting, and the misgendering that no one should deal with.
It matters even more when guests don’t all know each other
If you’re blending social circles, families, or inviting guests who haven’t met, this small detail goes a long way. It gives everyone, including your chatty Aunt Linda, a way to show up respectfully, without putting pressure on your queer or nonbinary guests to do the explaining.
It reflects your values
You’re already putting so much care into every detail of your celebration. Including pronouns is just one more way to carry that thoughtfulness through and honor the people you’re inviting.
How to Collect Pronouns
You’ve decided to include pronouns on your RSVP, love it. Now let’s talk about the logistics.
Whether you're going digital or mail-in RSVP cards, here are a few easy ways to gather pronouns before you need them for signage, stationery, or envelope addressing:
Add a field to your online RSVP
Most wedding websites let you customize RSVP questions. Just include a simple line for pronouns right under the name field.
Or Include it on mail-in RSVP cards
Yes, you can do this with printed RSVP cards too. Add a dedicated line for pronouns alongside the name:
Use a guest info or address form
When collecting mailing addresses for your save-the-dates or invites, add fields for titles, pronouns, or name formatting. It saves you a lot of guessing later, especially if you're planning to use honorifics or care about how names appear on the envelope. We break all of that down in our guide to addressing wedding envelopes.
Send a Google Form Early On
When you’re in the guest list phase, collecting addresses and figuring out your numbers, send a quick Google Form that lets people share how they’d like to be listed. You can ask for names, pronouns, and anything else you’ll need later for envelopes, seating, or day-of stationery. Easy to send, easy to fill out, and it saves you from having to circle back later.
Optional vs Required: How to Frame the Ask
If it’s optional, some guests might skip it, especially those who don’t regularly have to think about how they’re addressed. That puts the weight back on queer and gender-diverse guests to do the work. Let’s not do that.
Making it required, or at least highly encouraged, helps standardize sharing and keeps the experience consistent for everyone. It also spares you from trying to track down last-minute info later if you’ve fully committed to using them.
There are plenty of ways to phrase it, depending on your tone and style:
How to Use Pronouns (But Make It Fab)
Once you’ve collected them, using pronouns can be both meaningful and fun. And no, it doesn’t have to involve name tags that give corporate mixer vibes (we get it, those sticker labels won’t exactly look cute at a wedding). Here are a few fresh, beautiful ways to include pronouns without killing the vibe:
Pronouns on your seating display or escort cards
Your seating chart already lists names, so why not include pronouns too? Display them in a way that feels intentional and design-forward. Think clean typography, color accents, or styling that matches your theme. When guests scan for their escort cards, they also get a chance to see how others identify:
Table signage
At each table, add a small sign listing guest names and pronouns. It makes introductions easier, especially when guests don’t know each other well. Plus, it adds a thoughtful, personal layer to your table, like a mini guest list-meets-menu card moment:
Make it a fashion statement
Standard pronoun pins? They’re ok. But a custom brooch that ties into your wedding aesthetic? Way better. Think enamel, embroidery, or floral accents that reflect your theme. There are so many creative and unique options. Set them out at your welcome table with a friendly sign inviting guests to wear one. Totally optional, but a sweet way to give people the choice to be recognized on their terms:
However you decide to use them, we highly recommend giving a guest list with pronouns to any vendor who will be interacting directly with guests. That usually means your DJ, and especially your waitstaff. Pairing pronouns with meal selections helps servers avoid misgendering when delivering or clearing plates.
It’s Bigger Than You Think
Asking for pronouns isn’t just a formality. It’s a reflection of how you move through the world and who you make space for. Getting it right matters, and it starts right here. That’s the kind of energy we’re always here for.
