How to Address Invitation Envelopes (Without the Etiquette Police)
Traditional wedding etiquette has no shortage of opinions. But most of those “rules” come from a time when gender roles were rigid, queer people were excluded from the conversation, and “respect” meant following a boring script instead of honoring the person receiving the invitation.
That’s not what we’re about.
We feel weddings should reflect who you are and the message you want to share and not what etiquette books say you should be. That means letting go of outdated expectations and creating a guest experience that feels personal, intentional, and most importantly, inclusive.
So, when it comes to addressing your envelopes, here’s our honest take: You get to decide. It’s that simple. Your comfort matters. Your guests’ identities matter. The rest? Outdated noise.
Contents
First: What Is an Honorific—and Why Do People Use Them?
“Mr.”, “Mrs.”, “Ms.”, “Dr.”, and “Mx.” are all examples of honorifics, titles that traditionally show respect. But here’s the thing: if you’re using a title that misgenders someone or makes them feel uncomfortable, it stops being respectful and becomes self-defeating.
Real respect means addressing people how they want to be addressed and not how tradition says you should.
So… Do You Have to Use Titles?
Nope. And for a lot of couples, skipping them is the simplest and most inclusive solution.
Not using titles avoids the risk of misgendering and still allows you to keep things elegant. You don’t need honorifics to create something beautiful and respectful. Full names are often the clearest, most inclusive option, and they can still look absolutely stunning. Here’s an example:
Still looks gorgeous. Still shows care. Still respectful.
But What If I Want to Use Honorifics?
That’s totally fine. If you’re doing it intentionally though. Some guests feel deeply connected to their titles, whether it’s “Dr.” for a professional achievement or “Mx.” as part of their gender identity. Others simply prefer the formality.
If you choose to include titles, we encourage you to do your homework and ask. A quick note on your wedding website or an early address collection form can make all the difference. It shows you care about getting it right.
“Real respect means addressing people how they want to be addressed—not how tradition says you should.”
Optional Middle Ground: Abbreviating Titles
If you're unsure about using full honorifics, or want to keep things neutral, just use a simple "M." as a subtle, formal gesture without locking in gender. This can be especially helpful if you're not sure of a guest’s preference or want a little formality without potential missteps:
M. Jordan Taylor
123 Celebration Avenue
Washington, DC 20001
It’s not for everyone, but it’s a noncommittal way to walk the line between “tradition” and inclusivity.
Balancing Different Preferences
This is where it can get tricky: you might have one guest who wants to be addressed with “Mrs.” and another who’d be uncomfortable with any title.
And that’s okay. It reflects the real, beautiful identities of the people you love.
Our advice?
Prioritize clarity and kindness over uniformity.
If it means having a few envelopes with titles and a few without, who cares. Your guests likely won’t be comparing.
Consistency isn’t more important than respect.
A wedding that meets people where they are will always feel more meaningful than one that follows a rigid template.
It’s the intentional choices: the names you get right, the care you send out. That’s what makes the difference.
What About Professionals? (Dr., Judge, Rev., etc.)
Professional honorifics like “Dr.” or “Hon.” carry a different kind of weight, and some guests may expect or appreciate having them used. If you're close to the guest and unsure, it’s totally appropriate to check in or default to using the title if it’s publicly known. (For example, if someone signs their emails “Dr. Alicia Wells,” they probably expect it.)
But Won’t Skipping Titles Feel Too Casual?
It’s a common worry, especially for couples hosting a formal wedding. But remember: formality doesn’t live in honorifics.
Your invitation design, paper choices, wording, and presentation do the heavy lifting when it comes to tone. Thoughtful language and elevated design elements will cue guests into the level of formality with or without a “Mr.” in front of their name.
So, if you’re aiming for a more formal look and still want to skip titles, consider:
Using formal invitation wording (e.g., “request the honor of your presence…”)
Choosing typefaces with classic or refined styling—your font alone can set the tone
Opting for high-end paper or specialty printing methods like letterpress or foil
Adding embellishments like envelope liners, wax seals, or calligraphy
These elements help convey “formal” more clearly than any title ever could.
When (and How) to Collect This Info
Ok, here’s the important part and yes, it is more “work”, but an important step. If you plan to use honorifics or pronouns for addressing envelopes, you’ll need that info before you send your invitations.
A few ways to collect it early:
Wedding website – Add a short form asking guests in advance how they’d like to be addressed on their envelope.
Save-the-date address collection – When gathering mailing addresses, include a field for name formatting or titles.
Google Form or guest list spreadsheet – You can send this out directly or fill it in yourself with help from family or friends.
Don’t assume – If you’re unsure of someone’s preference, ask. It’s better than getting it wrong.
And remember: the most respectful way to address someone is the way they refer to themselves. That kind of thoughtfulness doesn’t just show up on an envelope, it shows up in how your whole celebration feels.
TL;DR: Break the Rules, Keep the Respect
There’s no single “right” way to address a wedding envelope. But there is a wrong one: not being mindful of your guests’ pronouns.
The world has changed, and so have the people on your guest list. That’s a beautiful thing. What matters most is how you make them feel: respected, seen, and included.
Want to stick with traditional etiquette?
Go for it, just make sure you're not misgendering or excluding anyone.
Want to skip titles entirely?
Love it. Simple, chic, and totally valid.
Either way, we’re here to support you in making those decisions confidently and creating a wedding experience that’s rooted in who you are.
